Last week, we presented Part 1 of the session with Meina, a
young woman struggling enormously because of her feelings about the
new Iranian revolution. Today, we present the exciting and
unexpected conclusion and follow up of the incredible session with
Meina.
Part 2: The
Conclusion
When Meina returned, her mood scores were very similar to what
they’d been at the start of the previous session. This indicated
that empathy alone was not sufficient to trigger any meaningful
changes in how she felt. She said that she’d had some fears about
what listeners might think, since, as we mentioned, Meina rarely,
if ever, opens up about how she’s feeling inside, so talking openly
on the podcast definitely means facing her fears and venturing into
some radically new territory.
The ineffectiveness of Empathy alone is important, because she
graded our Empathy as an A+. Many therapists wrongly believe that
empathy is the most healing tool we have in therapy. This is
idealistic, but wrong. Empathy is definitely important, but without
the A and the M of TEAM-CBT, very little, if anything, will
change.
And, in most instances, patients appreciate good listening,
that’s for sure, but they want more. They want tangible changes in
how the feel and interact with others.
Today, Meina showed more emotion. She mentioned that she’d been
a Michael Jackson fan, and liked his song about how our (inner)
voices don’t get out. She was feeling tearful, and angry, and said
that in her work, her voice was not coming out, and this was a
matter of great distress.
She also mentioned that after she cried and expressed her rage
about the young woman who was murdered by the morality police, an
annoying “eye twitch” that she’d had for six months suddenly
disappeared. Meina has also had many experiences in the past of
experiencing health anxiety symptoms whenever she’s upset about
something and hides or suppresses her negative feelings, like
anger.
She had participated in many of David’s Sunday hikes before the
pandemic, and sometimes had weird somatic sensations, fearing she
had some neurologic disorder, only to have her symptoms instantly
vanish when she finally expressed her anger. Many of you will
recognize this as David’s “Hidden Emotion Technique.”
She also said she’s afraid she’ll be seen and stereotyped as an
“angry woman” if she shows her anger, and said she may even have an
Anger Phobia, thinking that anger shows that you’re a “violent
person.”
She said that she’s always been quick to get angry, and wanted
to focus the session on anger. Her goal for the session had shifted
in the two days since we did Part 1, and she now wanted to learn
how to express her anger more effectively.
M = Methods
In the rest of the session, we used the TEAM interpersonal
model to deal with an intense conflict Meina had recently when she
was trying to get her colleagues to issue a statement on behalf of
her institution supporting the women in Iran who were protesting,
and had partially complete the Relationship Journal in preparation
for today’s session.
As you may recall, when you use the RJ, you will discover—and
this can be quite shocking—that you are actually causing the very
relationship problems that you are complaining about. And this came
as a huge surprise to Meina.
The remainder of the session was incredibly inspiring, and Mina
did some magical work. I’ll let you listen to the rest of the
session to see how the work unfolded. If you’d like to review
Meina’s RJ, you can click this LINK.
End of Session T = Testing
If you’d like to see Meina’s end-of-session mood ratings, along
with her Evaluation of Therapy Session, you can check this
LINK.
If you’d like to refresh yourself on the Five Secrets of
Effective Communication, you can click this LINK.
I was incredibly proud of the brilliant and inspiring work that
Meina did during this session. She experienced the “Great Death” of
her “self,” along with the “Great Rebirth,” or the “waking up” of
the “non-self.”
At the start of this podcast, we asked the question of whether
TEAM-CBT could be of help when people are struggling because of
events that are both real and horrific. Now perhaps you see my
answer: a resounding and unexpected YES. However, there are a
couple of disclaimers.
First, the person has to be asking for help, and Meina
definitely was. Having an agenda that makes sense to the patient is
always, in fact, one of the most important keys to successful
therapy.
Second, the therapy will usually be totally unexpected, and the
work we do with each person will be highly individual. We’re not in
the business of creating simple formulas to deal with this or that
problem. Instead, TEAM emphasizes a step-by-step process which will
be unique and totally different for every person you work
with.
And finally, we have to thank our old friend, Epictetus, for
once again reminding us that our feelings do not result from what’s
happening, but rather from our thoughts about it. And the goal is
NOT to blame you for the way you feel, but rather to give you the
key to unlock the door and free yourself from the suffering you’ve
endured.
Meina, Rhonda, and I hope the incredible and brave work that
Meina did in this session will be helpful for you, too!
About the Podcast
This podcast features David D. Burns MD, author of "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy," describing powerful new techniques to overcome depression and anxiety and develop greater joy and self-esteem. For therapists and the general public alike!