The star of today’s 2-part podcast is Veena Mulchandani, a
28-year old certified Indian TEAM therapist who has just learned
that her difficulties becoming pregnant result from an infection in
one of her fallopian tubes. Veen feels devastated and fears that
she might never be able to have a child. She also fears that her
husband and extended family will judge and reject her, since there
is so much pressure in Indian culture for women to have babies. And
although she has many medical options, including IVF, she is
intensely fearful that they might not be successful.
My beloved colleague, Dr. Jill Levitt, will be my co-therapist
for today’s session. Jill is the Director of Clinical Training at
the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California
(www.feelinggoodinstittute.com). Today you will hear part 1 (T =
Testing and E = Empathy), and next week you will hear the exciting
conclusion (A = Assessment of Resistance and M = Methods), along
with some follow-up. Part 3 will be the Relapse Prevention Training
we did one week after treating Veena.
Jill and I treated Veena in our Tuesday evening training group
at Stanford. We feel that personal work is an essential part of the
training of any therapist.
Veena with her two very beloved
nephews who she considers being a mother to
Veena was tearful and said that to make matters worse, her
mother has been recently diagnosed with brain cancer, and although
she is doing “okay,” she is not doing “great.” Veena explained that
she has always dreamed of being a mother, and feels like she is
lettinhttps://feelinggood.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/01-BMS-wt-ETS_veena-1.pdfg
down the many people who love her and want to see her have a
baby.
She and her husband first talked about having children when
Veena was 24, but they decided to defer that for a few years
because of the intense demands of her graduate schooling. Now Veena
is blaming herself, thinking she “should” have gotten pregnant when
she was 24.
I mentioned to Veena that my parents tried but were unable to
create a pregnancy, so they finally adopted 3 children. Then I came
along unexpectedly, after they had given up.
I also said that I’ve treated many women who felt like they
couldn’t become pregnant, who then became pregnant. You can listen
to the dramatic podcasts featuring my session with Daisy and her
husband, Zane (#79 and #80) as well as podcasts 268 and 269
featuring a session with Carly (Click here
for list of podcasts with links). Both women
became pregnant shortly after those sessions, and I hope we can do
the same for Veena! However, the key is overcoming the tremendous
despair, shame, anxiety, and disappointment that the woman feels,
so that the body can heal and prepare for the pregnancy.
I will ruin Sumit’s (her husband’s) life with her.
My marriage may go “down the line” because of the absence of a
kid.
It’s all my fault for postponing the pregnancy when I was
24.
My in-laws, who love me so much, may start ignoring me because
I cannot give them an heir.
I will always be looked down on and sidelined by my own
people.
My mother is ill, and I will not be a good daughter if I cannot
give her a grandchild.
There is no meaning to life without children.
My own body cannot suffice for my baby.
Her belief in these thoughts ranged from 60 to 80 or more, and
she rated most at 100%.
Veena with parents
I asked Veena how she was feeling after opening up in front of
so many colleagues in the Tuesday group. She said she felt
sensitive and exposed, and was afraid they don’t understand and
will also judge her for not starting earlier with attempts to
become pregnant.
Although we were still in the Empathy phase of the session, I
suggested she might want to do an experiment to find out how they
were feeling. Although this idea made her anxious, she asked quite
a number of the Tuesday group members how they felt, and received
an outpour of warmth, love, tenderness, and support.
We asked Veena how we were doing in terms of Empathy. Did we
understand how she was thinking? How she was feeling inside? And
did she feel accepted.
She gave us an A+, and so we were ready to move on to the A =
Assessment of Resistance, which you will hear at the start of next
week’s podcast.
Thank you for listening today!
Veena, Rhonda, Jill, and David
About the Podcast
This podcast features David D. Burns MD, author of "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy," describing powerful new techniques to overcome depression and anxiety and develop greater joy and self-esteem. For therapists and the general public alike!