Last week you heard the first half of the session with Veena, a
young woman who was devastated by a medical problem that may make
it difficult or impossible to conceive the child she is dreaming
of. Today, you will hear the inspiring and dramatic conclusion of
her story, along with the feedback comments from the individuals in
David and Jill's Tuesday training group who witnessed the live
work.
A = Assessment of Resistance
Jill asked if she felt ready to roll up her sleeves and get to
work on some aspect of what she’d been telling us, and she was.
Jill then asked what she was hoping to get from tonight’s session.
If we could offer a “Miracle Cure,” what would that look like?
She said, “I’d feel a lot less guilty and responsible, so I
would no longer feel like the problem was my fault. I’d know that I
did my best and that I can be okay even if people don’t like me or
judge me.
Jill asked the Magic Button question, and she said that she
love to see her guilt go all the way to zero, but not her many
other negative feelings, like depression, anxiety, inadequacy,
self-consciousness, hopelessness, upset, insecurity and
self-doubt.
With Positive Reframing in mind, we listed many of the
positives in these negative feelings, including:
Sadness. This feeling shows that I care for
people and want to give them the best. It shows that I also care
for my own dreams of having a baby. And it shows how much I love my
mother.
Anxiety, worry. This is a warning signal,
reminding me to be alert and do my best, and do what the doctors
require.
Guilt. Shows that I’m humble and willing to be
accountable and examine what I’ve done and look at my own
mistakes.
Self-Consciousness. Protects me by making me
cautious so I don’t just blurt out everything.
Defectiveness. I see my flaws, and allows me
to get closer to others, and to feel happy for the success of
others.
Hopelessness. When I told my husband I felt
hopeless, he became SO supportive. Also, I gave myself some space
so I could create an action plan.
During the methods phase of the session, we used a variety of
techniques, especially Externalization of Voices with the
Acceptance Paradox, Self-Defense, and the CAT (Counterattack
Technique.) We did quite a few role-reversals, which is typical,
before Veena got to wins that were “huge.” There were lots of tears
and laughter, and eventually Veena blew all of her negative
thoughts out of the water.
It was inspiring to observe this process, and to be a part of
it. You can see her final Daily Mood Log if you click HERE. I think
it is fair to say the Veena experienced a kind of enlightenment
which was profound.
Our work with Veena was some of the most inspiring work that I
can recall. It was tremendously mood-uplifting, and took on a
spiritual quality. You will have to listen to the session to get a
feel for how majestic it was. But in my opinion, Veena did not just
recover, but she achieved enlightenment, which including
discovering how to love herself and her extended family as
well!
The following is an email I sent Veena the next morning:
Hi Veena,
Thanks. You were totally
awesome last night, thanks so much for your contribution. I am sure
the podcast will reach huge numbers of people and make a big impact
on peoples’ lives. I cannot remember a more exciting and loving
session. We will see what the groups thinks in the feedback. I did
not copy or read the chats during the session, but perhaps you or
Jill did. . .
We will invite you to join us on a
podcast recording to get some follow-up information from you, as
folks will be very interested, for the two-part podcast.
Yes, I think we really were walking
on holy ground last night! Thanks so much for making that
happen!
I am trying to recall (and will do
more of this) the teaching points from last night, and a few seem
important to me. They seem awfully basic and simple, but still of
towering importance and have to be “seen” to be understood at a
deep level.
1. In TEAM, even when a problem is
“real,” it is still our thoughts that create our emotions. Our
thoughts really DO create all of our feelings.
2. Those thoughts can be subtly
distorted in all kinds of ways and seem determined to trick us into
believing things that are not true. And even super smart people,
like Veena, can be fooled.
3. We are not aiming for
improvement, although that is obviously desirable, but a dramatic
transformation of the human spirit and outlook.
4. Warmth, tenderness, and
compassion—for others and for yourself--are important and
powerful.
5. There is a strong mind-body
connection, and healing your soul can often help to heal your
body.
6. Good therapy can sometimes be
much more than just “therapy.” Something almost magical can
sometimes happen, and the change can sometimes happen rapidly.
However, many people do not like hearing this, and some are even
angered by this idea! This is especially true of people who have
suffered and struggled for many years without success in changing
the way they think and feel.
7. Recovery sometimes requires
courage and trust.
Just more babbling from the old
guy! Apologies if it sounds ridiculous or “off.” If other teaching
points come to mind, please let us know so I can add them to the
list! I am betting that Jill and Veena can maybe add to this list!
(and edit it as well)
Warmly, david
Below, you will find some excepts from the feedback that the
participants provided after the session.
Please describe what you specifically disliked about
the training? What could have been improved? Were there some things
you disagreed with or did not understand?
Nothing. It was beautiful.
I wouldn't want to change anything about tonight's experience.
It was so moving!
Please describe what you specifically liked about the
training? What was the most helpful? Were there some things you
learned?
I loved Veena's personal work and besides my admiration and
pride of her and the gratefulness to David and Jill for sharing
this wonderful work . . . I enjoy the empathy and validation as
well as the trust in the process that was so beautifully
demonstrated.
Beautiful job by all concerned. Very impressed with Veena and
how clearly she "got it" when she used the CAT (Counterattack
Technique).
I was very moved by Veena's story and her courage in sharing it
with us. I felt as if we were witnessing a kind of history because,
in the past, wives who couldn't bear children were often devalued
and even rejected.
Veena pushed back against that kind of thinking and instead
chose to love herself. By working toward dispelling the distorted
thoughts, she affirmed not only herself, but women with similar
experiences now and throughout history.
When she affirmed that her mother, mother-in-law, and husband
would be empathetic and wouldn't actually reject her, I felt
elated, thinking that the world is making progress and becoming a
more compassionate place. I was also touched by the following
ideas: feeling genuine sadness without distortions; locating the
source of pain in distorted self-critical thoughts; painful
experiences bringing loved ones closer together.
The safe space that was created, the sensitivity with which the
topic was handled and the respect accorded to the client. It’s
incredible how the trainers (Dr. Burns & Jill), set aside their
ailments, and were with Veena through her journey of anticipatory
loss, and her fears and apprehensions, along with her inner battle
of dealing with deeply entrenched social conditionings, that are
hard to face and ward off. I loved the session.
Enjoyed watching the whole team model unfold.
I’m so grateful to Veena for sharing this previous part of her
life with all of us. It was a huge honor. I am constantly surprised
by Dr Burns’ and Jill’s mastery of TEAM and their deep empathy
skills. This was moving and exhilarating…all at once.
Observing two great therapists in action.
I liked how Jill and David would make notes to the class about
what step they were going on to next. Veena was so amazing and
brave to share her experience. As a 23 year old woman with fears of
fertility issues myself due to genetics, I found the experience
extremely profound and impactful on a personal level. It was
awesome to go from the NEWBIE group to this session whereby a lot
of the skills we were learning individually were incorporated
sequentially into the session. Thank you to everyone!!
I liked seeing david and jill go through the entire team model.
I liked the pointing out of the Emotional Reasoning distortion and
even using the straight forward technique.
Excellent!
I really liked seeing an entire session completed in one
sitting.
A very beautiful night. I really felt for Veena and what she is
going through, and it was great to see her recovery. David and Jill
were empathic and so knowledgeable.
The humor in dark moments. the tears from time to time
It was exciting to see how as Veena shed the self-blame,
simultaneously she was able to see the people in her life as the
caring, kind people she knows them to be--and no longer to feel
afraid that they would reject her. Accepting herself allowed her to
see others as accepting, and not critical.
What training could be better than watching David and Jill tag
TEAM thru the model! Thanks to Veena's willingness to be vulnerable
and her bravery doing this personal work and inviting us all into
her world and her pain. It felt like we were all a web of love and
support surrounding her and a privilege to get to know her. It was
extraordinarily rich and illuminating.
I loved everything: the incredible empathy Jill and David
demonstrated and how things were turned around for Veena. I was
amazed that this was accomplished in such a short period of time; I
always am when it comes to live work! I also loved knowing Veena
more and seeing how wonderful of a person she is; I have so much
admiration for her!!!
Incredible empathy and 5 secrets from both Jill & David! So
much warmth and love from the group. Seamless incorporation of the
steps & methods.
Please describe what you learned in today’s
group15 responses
DML at it's best!!!!
TEAM-CBT, done by skillful therapists, with open and vulnerable
client, can be such a gift!
I learned again how to go through the entire team-CBT process
of crushing negative thoughts and helping clients to feel
better.
There were so many moments of subtle shifts by Jill. Each one
of them were penny drop moments for me. . . Thank you both.
That people have a lot of beautiful qualities.
I felt I learnt anew the power of empathy and the importance of
asking our clients specifically what caused the change.
Thank you so much Veena. I got some therapy by proxy tonight. I
felt myself take a kind of journey with you from fearful for you,
and judgmental (of your aunties!) to warm and open and loving - by
witnessing your transformation.
A better understanding and appreciation of the entire team
model and using that for a real life situation.
More of the artfulness and symphony of the steps being followed
with empathy being woven again and again throughout and bringing
out the birth of what is really true about the self, mother,
mother-in-law, and husband rather than the assumptions and
self-deprecation.
On how to get from T to M with E and A in the middle!
I loved David's insight that this is what it means to be in a
loving relationship--to hurt at times.
So wonderful to get to watch Jill move through TEAM in her
warm, empathic, brilliantly thoughtful way, with David interweaving
his work of genius!!! So grateful to be part of this incredible
community! Thanks so much!
The importance of Thought Empathy and flexibility with using
different techniques, as I tend to be quite rigid. For example, I
love how David went right into EOV which I believe would work
wonderfully with someone who knows TEAM well. It definitely did
work for Veena.
So very helpful to see TEAM in action in its entirety by the
masters of TEAM CBT!
Thank you for listening today!
Veena, Rhonda, Jill, and David
About the Podcast
This podcast features David D. Burns MD, author of "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy," describing powerful new techniques to overcome depression and anxiety and develop greater joy and self-esteem. For therapists and the general public alike!