Today, we feature a popular podcast guest, Thai-An Truong who
joins us from Oklahoma. Thai-An is a level 5 Certified TEAM
therapist and trainer who specializes in post-partum problems as
well as anxiety disorders, with a special focus on OCD.
Today Thai-An describes a TEAM-CBT technique to help with
grief. She believes that empathy is always crucial, and emphasizes
that people who have lost a loved one need to be encouraged to
express and accept their feelings and to make space for their
grief. However, because empathy alone may not be enough, it is
often helpful to go beyond empathy and offer specialized techniques
to help the patient deal with feelings of grief and loss.
In her work specializing in women struggling with post-partum
depression, she has seen many women grieving over a loss—such as
the loss of a pregnancy, or the loss of a parent when their child
is young, or the loss of an infant at birth, or during the first
couple months after delivery.
She said that the entire TEAM model can be invaluable,
including the initial Testing and Empathy, the Daily Mood Log to
detect the grieving patient’s (often distorted) negative thoughts,
as well as the Assessment of Resistance (the positive reframing
step, and the Methods.
Healthy grief is often complicated by feelings such as
depression, guilt, anger, and more. These feelings can complicate
and get in the way of healthy grieving.
For example, Rhonda treated a woman who was struggling with
guilt over the death of her son, who was in great pain because of
advanced, metastatic cancer. At one point, she told him that it was
okay to “let go,” and her son died shortly after that. But then,
she felt guilty and blamed herself for his death, thinking he might
have lived several more days if she had not said that.
Thai-An said that losing a son or daughter is one of the
greatest pains a parent can have. You may beat up on yourself with
“I should have done X” or “I shouldn’t have said or done Y.” But
these negative, self-critical thoughts and feelings will nearly
always be expressions of your core values as a human being, and
your love for the child you lost. This can sometimes be
eye-opening, and a relief for the person who is grieving.
Thai-An has struggled with grief. She told us about the loss of
one of her best friends 16 years ago. He was like a brother, a
young man with bipolar manic-depressive illness. At times during
manic episodes, he would get high and go out “teaching” on the
streets. During one of these episodes something tragic
happened—Thai-An was unable to find out what—but her friend was
found dead in an alley.
Thai-An felt a profound sadness and regret, and to compound the
problem, her friend’s mother cut ties with Thai-An, who didn’t even
know if a funeral was held or was able to ask any questions about
what happened to him.. Thai-An felt understandably hurt and angry,.
She recently found out he was buried near a Buddhist Temple in
Houston, Texas.
She emphasized the value of maintaining a ritual with the
person who has died so as to continue the relationship. For
example, a woman had a beautiful baby boy who died of an
overwhelming infection shortly after he was born. This woman loves
nature, and thinks of her son whenever she gardens. For example,
when she sees a little bird, she thinks, “that little bird looks
just like him!”
Thai-An feels that a wide variety of rituals can nurture the
bond with the person who died. You might light a candle, or even
bake a cake for the baby or person you have lost. The goal is not
to achieve some kind of “closure” that is so often emphasized in
the media, but rather to continue a positive and meaningful
relationship with the person you have lost.
Thai-An illustrated a therapeutic technique she calls the Grief
Method that involves doing a role-play with the person who has
died. The therapist first gathers messages that the grieving
patient would like to share with their deceased loved one. The
therapist then takes on the role of the patient as the patient
takes on the role of the person who has diedThis gives the patient
the chance to have a conversation with the love one they have
lost.
In the following role play, Rhonda played the role of Sam, the
young man who died of overwhelming cancer, and Thai-An played the
role of his mother, who was grieving and feeling guilty about her
son’s tragic death.
Thai-An (as Mother): Hi Sam, I
really miss you every single day.
Rhonda (as Sam): Hi Mom, you’re the
person I miss the most.
Thai-An (as Mother): I’m sorry we
had an argument shortly before you died.
Rhonda (as Sam): It’s no big deal.
. . We got into little fights pretty often. . . but we always got
over it.
Thai-An (as Mother): I regret that
I left when the doctor told me to leave the room. I should have
stayed, so I could be with you when you died.
Rhonda (as Sam): I understood that
they pushed you to leave the room, and I know that you would have
stayed if they’d let you. . . I was in a lot of pain, and I was
ready to leave. You gave me a lot of reassurance. Now I’m with
grandma.
Thai-An (as Mother): I would have
done everything for you.
Rhonda and Thai-An processed the experience together, and they
both cried, even though it was only a role play. Thai-An emphasized
the importance of letting your negative feelings flow, and
continuing your bond with the person or beloved pet you have
lost.
For parents who have suffered the loss of a child, Thai-An
recommends the book Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child by Gary Roe.
To access her free grief training for therapists, you can visit
courses.teamcbttraining.com/grief.
This summer, Thai-An will be offering a special 14-week
training course (2 hours / week) which will focus on treating
individuals and couples with relationship problems using TEAM. For
more information on this and other TEAM training courses, go to
courses.teamcbttraining.com. .
Thank you for tuning in today!
Rhonda, Thai-An, and David
About the Podcast
This podcast features David D. Burns MD, author of "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy," describing powerful new techniques to overcome depression and anxiety and develop greater joy and self-esteem. For therapists and the general public alike!